This assignment is to create a story mainly consisting of dialog. This was my submission. Let me know what you think. I’ll update this post with the instructor’s feedback if or when I get it.
Update 2022-02-27
I got the full score for this story. The instructor’s comments were not surprising. As I was writing the piece I was thinking it was hard to keep track of who was speaking. Especially when I added the second driver. I think, if I were to re-write this, I would either assign names or distinguishing features other than driver and passenger.
Good dialogue….a little confusing with trying to figure out which character is speaking.
A car veered off the road with screeching tires and headed into the desert in a cloud of dust. The driver and passenger doors opened and the driver and passenger jumped out at the same time, scrambling to their feet and running in the opposite direction of the car. They met up and stopped at the edge of the road and turned to look at the car.
“Well?”, asked the driver.
“Um…” Replied the passenger, cocking his head as he continued to watch the car.
After a minute the driver asked, “So should we get the car?”
“Um… I I guess we could. I must have been mist…,” the passenger was interrupted as the car exploded with so much force it knocked both men down.
“Hot damn! That was bigger than I expected!” Exclaimed the passenger sitting up on his elbows and looking in the direction of the now burning car.
The driver stood, brushing the dust off of his clothes. He sighed and said, “Looks like we’re walking. Maybe we’ll get lucky and someone will come by and give us a lift.”
“I don’t think this road gets much traffic.”, said the passenger and then chuckled.
“What’s so funny? You know how far it is to the next town? And it’s freaking hot!”, exclaimed the driver.
“Sorry, just remembering the look on your face when I said the car was going to blow up. You looked like a high school girl who just found out she’s pregnant.” The passenger started laughing.
“There’s something wrong with you.”, said the driver. Then he slapped the passenger on the back of the head.
“Owww! What was that for?”, asked the passenger. Surprised by the sudden violence.
The driver stopped, cocked his head, and just stared at the passenger in disbelief before asking, “You mean to tell me you really don’t know why I’m irritated?” He shook his head and continued, “There really is something wrong with you.”
They continued down the lonely road. The sun was getting low on the horizon when they noticed a car coming down the road. “A car!”, exclaimed the passenger. To which he received a slap on the back of the head again.
“Stop stating the obvious, idiot. Let’s see if we can flag them down,” said the driver. They both stood to the side of the road and waived their hands over their heads. The car took a wide birth and went passed them.
“Well crap!”, exclaimed the passenger. But then his face lit up. “They’re stopping!”
The two men ran toward the stopped car. As they approached the man in the driver’s seat rolled down the window and asked, “How’d you two get out here in the middle of nowhere?”
“We were heading to Flagstaff and had car trouble.”, replied the driver
“Really?” said the man, looking back. “I don’t remember seein’ any cars broke down.”
“Oh, it exploded.”, said the passenger, as if it was an everyday occurrence.
“It what?”, exclaimed the man in the car.
“It exploded. Too much negative energy buildup.” Replied the passenger. “Can we get a ride to the next town?”
“Wait. What? What do you mean by too much negative energy?” Asked the man, confused by what seemed like a nonsensical answer.
The passenger rolled his eyes, leaned against the open window, and answered, “Negative energy, right? You got positive and negative energy. OK? Too much of one or the other is unstable and things blow up.”
The man in the car just stared at him for a moment and when the passenger stood back from the window, the man closed it and drove off wanting nothing to do with the two men.
“Wait! Where are you going?”, called the passenger as the car accelerated away. “You. You forgot us.”
“Great, what did I say about telling these people the truth?” asked the driver.
Looked down at his feet and almost whispering replied, “They can’t handle it.”
“Right. They just climbed out of the trees. They can barely wipe their own asses.” the driver exclaimed.
“OK, keep it simple going forward,” said the passenger as they started walking down the road again.